(Episode 32 of) Cinema Smackdown

Cinema Smackdown 32: The Raven/The Spy Who Came in From the Cold
By Bret Dorman and Kate Peterson

The Raven is bad. How bad? Like, no movie made in 2012 should be THIS bad. Here’s a taste of The Quintessential “Best Worst Movie” Troll 2. At least there’s some humor to be found here:




We aren’t QUITE on iTunes yet, but we thank you for your patience as we get things figured out and settled in. You can now download the episode right here by right-clicking on the links. Just another way to get our opinions shoved down your throats even faster. Yippee!

Download Episode 31 – The Raven. This week’s agenda:

Greetings: Start! – 1:20
The Raven Review: 1:20 – 25:00(ish)
The Raven Spoilers!: 17:00 – 53:30
Fun Time (Tagline Takedown, Genre sMash): 44:00 – 1:30:30
Misc: 1:30:30 – 1:38:30

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“War Movie” The Spy Who Came in From the Cold Review

To get any of our previous episodes, visit our archives on SkyDrive and just download whichever ones are missing from your collection so your iPod doesn’t feel lonely:

Cinema Smackdown Episodes 1-25

The Spy Who Came in From the Cold is definitely not a funny movie. It was hard not to inject some humor into our “War Movie” Theme month but we stuck it out. If you need a comedy fix, I recommend this classic moment from Stripes, kind of technically a Cold War movie… Makes me laugh every time.




Feel free to ‘like’ us on Facebook and punch our faces on Twitter to get reviews and updates. Send any feedback, questions, comments, or concerns to: cinemapunch@yahoo.com

Also check out Nathan Hulne on Anything At All!

Thanks for enjoying!

(Episode 31 of) Cinema Smackdown!

Cinema Smackdown 31: Lockout/The Alamo
By Bret Dorman and Kate Peterson

Lockout. Man goes into (space) prison to save President (‘s daughter). I’m not passing up this connection clip to Escape from New York from one of my favorite directors of all time, John Carpenter. Snake is an Ultimate Badass.Here’s a short sample of one of the many reasons why:




We aren’t QUITE on iTunes yet, but we thank you for your patience as we get things figured out and settled in. You can now download the episode right here by right-clicking on the links. Just another way to get our opinions shoved down your throats even faster. Yippee!

Download Episode 31 – Lockout. This week’s agenda:

Greetings: Start! – 1:10
Lockout Review: 1:10 – 17:00
Lockout Spoilers!: 17:00 – 44:00
Fun Time (20(1) ?s, Genre sMash): 44:00 – 1:16:20
Misc: 1:16:20 – 1:22:45

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“War Movie” The Alamo Review

To get any of our previous episodes, visit our archives on SkyDrive and just download whichever ones are missing from your collection so your iPod doesn’t feel lonely:

Cinema Smackdown Episodes 1-25

When thinking of The Alamo, two men come to mind. John Wayne… and Peewee Herman. The usually upbeat Peewee shows a bit of his grumpier side during this tour. Of course, things don’t quite go his way and his Big Adventure goes on…




Feel free to ‘like’ us on Facebook and punch our faces on Twitter to get reviews and updates. Send any feedback, questions, comments, or concerns to: cinemapunch@yahoo.com

Also check out Nathan Hulne on Anything At All!

Thanks for enjoying!

(Episode 30 of) Cinema Smackdown!

Cinema Smackdown 30: The Cabin in the Woods/The Bridge over the River Kwai
By Bret Dorman and Kate Peterson

The Cabin in the Woods has a lot of twists and turns. Without giving any away, one of the nice elements is that somewhere in the movie, there is a real ‘magic’ or ‘occult’ feel. For another movie that meshes technology with magic, check out The Prestige. Fueled by the real life rivalry of Edison and Tesla while using a group of magicians in the foreground, The Nolan’s once again deliver a mesmerizing movie scene:




We aren’t QUITE on iTunes yet, but we thank you for your patience as we get things figured out and settled in. You can now download the episode right here by right-clicking on the links. Just another way to get our opinions shoved down your throats even faster. Yippee!

Download Episode 30 – The Cabin in the Woods. This week’s agenda:

Greetings: Start! – 1:15
The Cabin in the Woods Review: 1:15 – 10:30
The Cabin in the Woods Spoilers!: 10:30 – 36:00
Fun Time (20(1) ?s, Genre sMash): 36:00 – 1:10:00
Misc: 1:10:00 – 1:28:05

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“War Movie” The Bridge Over the River Kwai Review

To get any of our previous episodes, visit our archives on SkyDrive and just download whichever ones are missing from your collection so your iPod doesn’t feel lonely:

Cinema Smackdown Episodes 1-25

The Bridge Over the River Kwai FEELS like an old movie. Characters deliver grand monologues and argue about the bigger questions of life. For one of the best movies that highlights classic filmmaking check out Network. A powerful movie that will have you wanting to go to the window and shout out…




Feel free to ‘like’ us on Facebook and punch our faces on Twitter to get reviews and updates. Send any feedback, questions, comments, or concerns to: cinemapunch@yahoo.com

Also check out Nathan Hulne on Anything At All!

Thanks for enjoying!

(Episode 29 of) Cinema Smackdown!

Cinema Smackdown 29: Jeff Who Lives At Home/Black Hawk Down
By Bret Dorman and Kate Peterson

Jeff Who Lives at Home makes a very obvious connection, in its opening scene, to M Night Shyamalan’s Signs. It would be easy to use this as our connection clip, but I am a big fan of this particular scene… So I’m going to take this opportunity to show it. The ‘Bigfoot’-esque simplicity and build up show M Night at one of his best moments:




We aren’t QUITE on iTunes yet, but we thank you for your patience as we get things figured out and settled in. You can now download the episode right here by right-clicking on the links. Just another way to get our opinions shoved down your throats even faster. Yippee!

Download Episode 29. This week’s agenda:

Greetings: Start! – 1:15
Jeff Who Lives At Home Review: 1:15 – 21:00
Jeff Who Lives At Home Spoilers!: 21:00 – 35:20
Fun Time (20(1) ?s, Genre sMash): 35:20 – 1:05:00
Misc: 1:25:00 – 1:20:05

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“War Movie” Black Hawk Down Review

To get any of our previous episodes, visit our archives on SkyDrive and just download whichever ones are missing from your collection so your iPod doesn’t feel lonely:

Cinema Smackdown Episodes 1-25

One of the things Kate and I disagree on in Black Hawk Down is the message of the movie with its cinematic nature. The theme is “War is Bad (Mmmmmmkay)” but the fetishization over the technology of war and how cool the scenes are put together can be a bit jarring (to some; aka me). For a great scene that has violence and death, but is truly off putting, check out the store clerk beating the dead guy in Taxi Driver. The word ‘dark’ is thrown around a bit to much these days. THIS… is a ‘dark’ scene…




Feel free to ‘like’ us on Facebook and punch our faces on Twitter to get reviews and updates. Send any feedback, questions, comments, or concerns to: cinemapunch@yahoo.com

Also check out Nathan Hulne on Anything At All!

Thanks for enjoying!

(Episode 28 of) Cinema Smackdown!

Cinema Smackdown 28: The Wrath of the Titans/Full Metal Jacket
By Bret Dorman and Kate Peterson

Wrath of the Titans deals with Gods and Titans as well as some minor mythical creatures. One man who understands not only the design of these characters, but their underlying nature, hidden motives, and evil beauty is none other than Guillermo del Toro. Still not sure if I should admire The Faun or run away:




We aren’t QUITE on iTunes yet, but we thank you for your patience as we get things figured out and settled in. You can now download the episode right here by right-clicking on the links. Just another way to get our opinions shoved down your throats even faster. Yippee!

Download Episode 28. This week’s agenda:

Greetings: Start! – 1:45
Wrath of the Titans Review: 1:45 – 40:30
Wrath of the Titans Spoilers!: 40:30 – 54:10
Fun Time (Tagline Takedown, Genre sMash): 54:10 – 1:18:25
Misc: 1:18:25 – 1:32:00

&

“War Movie” Full Metal Jacket Review

To get any of our previous episodes, visit our archives on SkyDrive and just download whichever ones are missing from your collection so your iPod doesn’t feel lonely:

Cinema Smackdown Episodes 1-25

Full Metal Jacket features a very hefty Vincent D’onofrio, who gained :70 lbs for the role of Private Pyle. Of course, the original weight gain master was Robert De Niro, who gained 60 lbs for the role of Jake Lamotta in Raging Bull, for which he won an Oscar. Pay close attention to his timing, how perfectly he acts as if he is making up this poem on the spot. The timing of lighting the cigar is definitely a ‘Minutia Monday’ worthy moment…




Feel free to ‘like’ us on Facebook and punch our faces on Twitter to get reviews and updates. Send any feedback, questions, comments, or concerns to: cinemapunch@yahoo.com

Also check out Nathan Hulne on Anything At All!

Thanks for enjoying!

(Midnight Movie) Dead Alive Review

Dead Alive Midnight Movie Review
By Bret Dorman

My first Midnight Movie was somewhat shortly after moving to Chicago in January of 2010. That movie was Oldboy. I remember because I had never seen Oldboy on the big screen before and it was my roommate/friend from home’s first time seeing it. I even remember the subtitles on the film print being slightly different than the ones on my DVD. We accidentally went in to the main theater which was showing Scott Pilgrim Vs The World and were confused before we realized theater two was before theater one and much, much tinier. But the intimate setting of that room with the uncomfortable subject material and visually stimulating Oldboy was and is a fond movie going memory.

“Major Charles Rane Has Come Home To War!”

It wasn’t until Music Box later showed Rolling Thunder, the advertised as a Grindhouse but written and shot in a much more superior fashion film about a “real macho mother fucker” who loses a hand, gains a hook, grabs a shotgun, and shoots his way to revenge. Written by Paul Schrader, the genius behind the Taxi Driver script, I immediately saw what Midnight Movies are about. They are about (what I like to call) that “Quentin Tarantino love of ALL (even “bad”) film” and seeing the great where others don’t and celebrating it when others won’t. After Rolling Thunder, I was so compelled to go home and write everyone how great it was I wrote my very first Midnight Movie review. I have since been doing so (off and on) for over a year now. They have become some of my best written and most viewed reviews. I am very proud of them. Unlike normal reviews, they are specifically designed for the Midnight Movie crowd.

I want to make something clear. Music Box did not ask me to start doing this. They have not asked me to keep doing this. I don’t get paid in any way for these reviews. They are something I do because I believe in the product. I would say 50% of all Midnight Movies are genuinely great. 45% are genuinely good. 5% are not good. But even those two movies I can think of off the top of my head I did not like, I still would encourage people to see as Midnight Movies and still have complete faith in Music Box and their selections. I’ve said before you can’t just pick any movie and show it at midnight, it has to be a Midnight Movie. I don’t mention this because I want Music Box to give me a job (although I would take one, especially as ‘Midnight Movie Promoter/Programmer’), heck, I’m not even sure Music Box as a whole knows that these reviews even exist… I mention this because I have often thought of what my own month’s worth of Midnight Movie Programming would be.

Without any hesitation the movie that popped into my mind as the final movie of my month, my piece de resistance, was always Dead Alive. I can not stress enough how excited I am and how excited you should be that this movie, THIS specific bloody masterpiece, is going to be playing on the big screen, for the Midnight Movie crowd.

The poster alone used to terrify me as a kid…

The Story: A Sumatran Rat Monkey ends up in a normal zoo and bites the Mother of our hapless bumbling hero, Lionel Cosgrove (Timothy Balme). Things escalate and zombie mayhem occurs and our hero must find his inner courage to save his town and his destined-to-be true love Paquita (Diana Penalver). Also, a priest knows karate.

Much like Evil Dead a decade before it, Dead Alive is made on a very low budget by a new (ish) filmmaker who isn’t working for a studio or with any particular goal in mind other than pure entertainment. This movie does not feel like a packaged product. It is not out to tell a personal story or change the world. It is a pure schlock story gore fest. Co-writer/Director Peter Jackson does not ask “What limitations are holding me back?” He asks “What awesome things can we do with zombies, guts, house hold items, and super poison transformations?”

Dead Alive is the kind of shot of adrenaline that re-charges someone’s love in the purity of visceral filmmaking. The camera pushes right into actors’ faces, swoops across floors and stairs, and rooftops like a kid racing cars wildly along a play mat. The kid doesn’t care that the play mat has pre-drawn streets and houses and that there are the normal ‘rules of the road’, because doing whatever he wants, how he wants is just so much more fun. I admire people who show tremendous amounts of restrain as much as I admire people who can let loose and don’t just draw outside the lines, they draw outside the coloring book and onto the walls, furniture, rugs, and curtains. If you’re going to do something crazy… make it bat-shit crazy.

Mowing down the Midnight Movie competition…

The genius of Dead Alive (and yes, I mean genius) is in the writing and pacing. Unlike traditional slashers and/or zombie flicks that tend to have small moments of gore like a traditional boxer throwing jabs every once in a while, looking for a couple of good knock out punches; Dead Alive is more like an MMA fighter who lulls down your defenses, goes for the KO, then relentlessly drills you with a barrage of punches to the face and head. You leave not knowing exactly what happened, but knowing you just got your ass kicked. The first part of this movie is traditional love interest/underdog set up. Then it goes into some crazy territory once people start dying and the zombies in the basement start… multiplying… Then by the time the final party scene occurs, leading up to the mega climactic ending, you’ll have no time to catch your footing again. To add to that, Dead Alive not only stays crazy once it hits crazy land, it exponentially raises the absurdity level. Its rare to find a movie willing to go to the places this movie goes, completely abandoning any sense of reality and becoming a living cartoon.

Its hard for me not to go into specifics, especially at the stuff towards the end, but people who have seen it will know its glory while people who haven’t surely will be surprised by the madness. But I want to point out there are two movies I know of that involve a person’s ear falling off due to a gross physical transformation into a hideous creature. One is Seth Brundle’s transformation in David Cronenburg’s The Fly. This movie sees that ear falling off and raises it a bowl of pudding. I’m not saying a great movie HAS to have someone’s ear falling off in it, but so far ears falling off have a perfect record for being in great movies.




Why You Must See It At Midnight: Again… I can not stress enough my excitement for this movie. If you are reading this the week of the showing and live in Chicago I strongly urge you to make plans to go to Music Box on Fri or Sat (I’ll be there Friday) and spread the word and get as many of your friends to go as well. Unlike the regular movie crowd who would watch this movie and be taken aback, saying “WTF?!” the Midnight Movie crowd is the type of crowd that watches this movie while applauding and shouting “Fuck Yeah!” Dead Alive is a great movie to watch anytime, anywhere (well, maybe not at your Grandmother’s on Thanksgiving), but I assure you, without any doubt, it is the quintessential Midnight Movie. Real Madness. Riveting Mayhem. Rat Monkeys. What more could you want?

Let the political debates… BEGIN!

(Big Bada Boom) Minutia Monday The Fifth Element Edition

Minutia Monday: The Fifth Element
By Bret Dorman

(As always, SPOILERS! may apply to the movie in discussion.)

Generic faces and flying car poster

Everyone knows what makes a movie good. Blurbs like “compelling”, “powerful”, and “explosive non stop thrill ride that will leave you on the edge of your seat!” are common place on movie posters. In reviews (including my own) people point out how the direction is “great”, how the writing is “awesome”, and how the acting is “wonderful”. Every once in a while you can find a really great essay from a smart film critic (a real one) or film maker that actually explains why a movie is good and helps you as a viewer become a better film watcher.

But what about those small moments that fall in between the cracks? I understand the need to talk about a movie in the broad sense, its the easiest most SPOILER! free way of saying if you liked or didn’t like a movie. I prefer people to talk in specifics, to actually know why something is good or bad. But this goes beyond all that. This is blowing the tiniest detail way out of proportion. This is what makes me a film nerd. This is Minutia Monday!!!

The Fifth Element
Written and Directed by Luc Besson

While I don’t believe that there is one film that is ‘the best’ I do believe there is one film I could watch every single day and never get tired of seeing. The Fifth Element. If you go to Blockbuster (if they still exist in your town) or onto any online renting service, you will probably find The Fifth Element under the “Action/Adventure” section. At first glance this makes sense. Sci-Fi, some explosions, some gunfights, the plot to destroy the universe, and of course, Bruce Willis. But this movie is not your generic action beat ‘em up. In fact, it’s just around the 20 minute mark we even see Willis’ character Korben Dallas and even more time after that before Gary Oldman as Zorg has a real scene to showcase he is the badguy of the movie. The two actually never meet, which is odd for an actioner to never have its main heroic protagonist fight its main evil antagonist. Zorg and Leeloo have one brief encounter which is neither of the characters’ undoing. This movie is much more a comedy than action.

More generic faces and strange lights. THE FIFTH ELEMENT may be an awesome movie, but you wouldn't know it by these posters...

As we all know by now, The Fifth Element is Love (awwww). Leeloo is genetically recreated and known as ‘The Supreme Being’ and ultimate warrior even though she seemingly has the mental capacity of a 5 year old. She doesn’t know what Love is, she’s just been paraded around from place to place as an object, not a ‘person.’ Dallas on the other hand, had Love and lost it. His wife ran away with their lawyer and now he holds a crappy job as a (crappy) taxi driver. He wakes up to the same routine of future techno percussion music (?), automated technology turning on his TV and prepping his (weird future reverse?) cigarettes, and his mom calling to complain. Both characters are lost in the future, one on the run and the other drifting aimlessly.

The two first meet when Leeloo comes crashing into Dallas’ cab causing him to lose control and pull over. Seemingly unphased, she details her journey so far in a completely foreign language and the only word Dallas clings to is “Boom.” They go back and forth and share a laugh over her “Big Bada Boom.” And then, their time is cut short by the cops. As they flash their lights into Dallas’ cab, he turns back with a look that could stop a bullet. Here’s the full scene:

The Fifth Element is filled with minute details and great performances. It was hard to just pick one. I could gush on about everything in this movie.

First off, Milla Jovovich is phenomenal as Leeloo. It is hard to tell if she is acting, or if that is just how she goes about every day life. Since I’ve seen her in other movies and on talk shows giving interviews and she appears to be a normal person, it always amazes me how I can never see the strings at work here. I fully believe she just crashed into a future space cab. Its also impressive she seems this comfortable in character in front of the Legendary Die Hard action hero, Mr. Willis. Some of Willis’ laughs in this scene appear to be genuine laughs of “You’re killin’ it right now Milla, go for it!” Bruce Willis also plays up the instant charm and showcases his comedic timing and sarcastic delivery that syncs right up with Milla’s energetic pace.

Easy to see why she is in my Top 5 Film Crushes...

What most action movies skimp out on is romance, focusing more on the guns and muscles. But in a movie where your ‘saving the World’ climax centers on two characters being so in love their kiss can stop the most evil of evils, its nice to have scenes of the two actually spending some quality time together. Later on we have the two exchanging names, holding her in his arms after the “auto-wash”, and of course “Multi-pass” (YES! She knows its a Multi-pass!). The Dallas-Leeloo relationship is filled with genuine love at first site tenderness as well as antagonistic old couple bickering.

We know from later on, that Dallas has loved and lost in the past, but before that we also see him in his miserable living just to barely survive daily life. Channeling a John Mclane in the future sort of vibe, we get that he doesn’t have a lot to look forward to. So when this ultra sweet and charming encounter with a ‘perfect’ cab fare comes to an end via the police, it makes sense Dallas would give them the most badass ‘fuck you’ look of the film. Instead of saving this for the end (again, he never meets Zorg or any other baddie truly worthy of this look), he gives it to the people who deserve it the most, the assholes who just ruined this perfect moment. We also come to learn Dallas is one of the best soldiers who ever lived, so much so that even though he is retired and the future army could have pulled ANYONE for this most important of missions, they said no to all of their current soldiers and went for Dallas anyway. So Dallas knows, somehow in his deepest of hearts, that these sirens and bright lights mean that in his not-so-distant future he will be sneaking onto a cruise ship, digging stones out of a weird blue opera singer, blowing up a lobby, and ‘negotiating’ with a Mongaloid leader all leading up to using his last match to save humankind (and every other kind). That’s what his look shows, and he’s not happy about it. He doesn’t want to go on this mission, because he’s been there and done that. He’d rather just take the easy route and chat it up with Leeloo some more, forgetting all his troubles (or not having to go through them… again).

And I dare call THE FIFTH ELEMENT not a (straight up) action movie... What am I thinking?

Of course as a viewer we have mixed feelings about this. The Fifth Element is an uncompromising vision of the future sort of like what we’ve seen before but with its own unique twists and energy. Its easy to get caught up in the moment of not knowing what is going on and looking at all the great special effects. That and relative newcomer Milla Jovivich (at least to the ‘action/adventure’ genre) sells everything about Leeloo. She’s beautiful, mysterious, and lost. We want to see more of this. At the same time, no one is going to argue with putting Bruce Willis in his own element. “You wanna play it soft. We’ll play it soft. You wanna play it hard. Let’s play it hard.” as he buckles up is a line he delivers with absolute efficiency. The trick Besson does is make us earn those action moments and make them mean something, not just explosions for the sake of explosions, but explosions for the sake of making a fun movie more fun.

For every Die Hard or Sin City, there’s a Surrogates or The Jackal. You could argue Willis isn’t all that great, its just the great movies he’s in… which is sort of true. Its a real symbiotic relationship. Those great movies are great because of Willis and vice versa, simultaneously. Very few other actors could genuinely give that thousand yard stare Willis delivers in the taxi, but very few movies can deliver just the right amount of romance, comedy, and set up to make it mean something.

So what do you think? Is Willis’ ‘fuck you’ stare the product of a ‘perfect’ relationship? Or am I just crazy for focusing on this minute detail?

Fan Poster. Ahhh... much better...